Almost Former Governor Of New Jersey Is Extremely Shy

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Not Actually Governor Chris Christie On A Beach

Maybe you’ve been busy meditating and somehow missed the news about the nearly former governor of New Jersey languishing on a beach he had closed to the public? Well, even if so, let us bring you up to date and fill you in on what’s really going on. You’re going to read a lot of news stories and analysis on what the scandal-ridden and cast aside governor did, but it’s all wrong! We know the truth about the Mr Christie’s actual motivations and we’re here to set the record straight!

Nearly Ex-Governor Christie May Have A Weight Problem

Many people are unaware that Mr Christie has a weight problem. It’s not something that he likes to talk about in public, because the public tends to be very judgmental about overweight people. If the news got out and it became public knowledge that he was overweight, it could lead to negative press which would not help him in the polls. This has lead to him to spend a great deal of time trying to hide his issue, which is a strategy that has [largely] worked for him.

He Has Just Become Very Shy

Unlike his former glory days of abusing his power and ignoring the public will, his recent trend has been to be very shy and quiet. Unlike the old days when he would literally mock anyone and everyone he wanted to, now the amazingly-still-alive governor has reeled in his abuse-instead-of-brains persona. “He’s just really shy now” said someone who saw his picture on the closed beach. “Can you blame him? People are so judgmental!”, they added.

This Explains The Closed Beaches

Though the measure may seem extreme to some, closing all the beaches in New Jersey is just the man’s way of trying to get some privacy. It’s not fair to criticize his efforts as mean senseless or unfeeling of New Jersey residents. Unless you’ve had a weight problem and suffered the abuse that can come from it, you can’t really begin to understand the barely-still-a-governor’s actions. Nobody likes being called “fat or “fatty” or “Big fat stupid Republican”. Try to have some compassion, for God’s sake!

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